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Thankfulness & Gratitude

The last several days have been laced with thoughts of the meaning of two words, "thankfulness" and "gratitude".  

This is Thanksgiving Day.  A day which we in the United States set aside to "give thanks".  It is important that we say, "Thank you" - to genuinely appreciate that which we have.  Perhaps, however, it's better to have gratitude.

    SeaJames iPhone 2011

He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has. ~ Epictetus

It is good to rejoice in appreciation, as Epictetus said.  And this was a man who could have been bitter.  He was born a Greek slave, about 55AD, in what is now Turkey.  His name meant, "acquired" in Greek.  Imagine that. "Hey, Acquired, bring me my robe."  His master broke his leg; many believe deliberately.  It would leave him disabled for the rest of his life.  His Roman master did, however, permit him to study philosophy. 

Epictetus would eventually gain his freedom; and then spend the rest of his life studying and teaching philosophy.  Although he lived a very simple material life; he, indeed, rejoiced for what he did have . . . And eventually, a community developed. 

Epictetus taught that there things that are outside the individual's control.  Man should not try to control those things - for they would only control man.  Rather, man should control the things he can - and basically - that was only himself.  Perhaps a bit of an over simplification of his philosophy, but . . .

We control our expressions of appreciation and gratitude.  And the more we express appreciation and gratitude, studies have shown, the happier we are with our lives.

As a church sign read:  "If you're not happy with what you have; Why do you want more?"

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. ~ John F. Kennedy

Gratitude is the manifestation of  "thankfulness".  If we are grateful for what we do have, then our actions will reflect it. 

Acts of gratitude do not have to be grand.  In fact, what appears to be "grand acts", while they may be generous; are often braggadocios.  Gratitude is often small, deferential, and meaningful gestures. 

Maybe we should try to ...

Look the person behind the register in the eye and ask about their day, with a smile.  And then wait to hear their answer . . . rather than mumble, "Uh. Yah, you, too."

Share the feeling, and the inspiration, of an afternoon spent with a witty, intelligent, young man . . . rather than resenting his being taken from us sooner than we expected.

Have a morning cup of coffee on the steps of the museum of art . . . rather than being jealous of a friend for owning art.

Relish the italian sausage sandwich shared with a friend, while walking through the street fair . . . rather than envying the couple having dinner at the latest expensive restaurant.

Enjoy the memories of our grandmothers, while drinking out of their jelly jar glasses . . . rather than being embarrassed by the scratches and nicks.

Celebrate the differences and the new experiences of sharing cultures and traditions . . . rather than fearing what is "weird" about "them".

Give to others . . . rather than hoarding things by rationalizing, "but it's still good".

Care for our bodies, by eating, exercising, and sleeping well ... rather than taking our health for granted by eating that hamburger, french fries, pop, and pie; while watching athletes on the tv.

Think of the new bond with the person who found the lost necklace, but has no way of returning it . . . rather than thinking about how much it costs to replace it.

Reach out and ask, "Are you ok?  You haven't been at the coffee shop.  Can you use some help?" . . .  rather than asking, "Where have you been?  I was worried sick about you.  I've actually lost sleep.  You don't know how worried..."

To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven. ~ Johannes A. Gaertner

Hope your Thanksgiving was a wonderful day of reflection, appreciation, and love.  Give Thanks.  Live Gratitude.

. . . If you'd like to share your thoughts and/or example of gratitude - Please do . . .

SeaJames Nov2011

Giving Thanks is Actually Worth Very Little

OK, I admit it.  The title of this post was designed to grab your attention. 

But I mean it:  What is the "worth" of "thank you", really?

I can agree that saying thank-you, or giving thanks, is a good thing.  Maybe even a great thing.  Further, I realize that saying "thank you" and "please" (and brushing your teeth) are right up there on any Mom's top-10 list.  But when you think about it, saying "thanks" or "please" is often about the thank-er (and her or his needs).

If I'd say, "Would you please pass me the salt, thank you".  I may (or may not) genuinely hope that you find pleasure in passing salt.  For the most part, it's about me - and me getting my darn salt (I was going to say "damn salt" but that wouldn't be nice to type on Thanksgiving).

A pretty picture that has not much of anything to do with this post
But hey, it's pretty. Gully Brook. Willoughby, OH.  CAJ iPhone 2011                    

A quick story:  The other night Sue (my partner) and I gave ourselves a rare treat.  Actually, it was a medium-rare treat:  Steak.  We went to one of those popular chain steak restaurants.  You know the kind:  No fuss.  Eat at the bar.  Throw peanut shells on the floor.  Wrestle for the salt, the pepper and the A1 Sauce.

We were just about to finish our meal when the couple next to us began eating theirs.  I could tell the guy was Type-A1 (I can't tell you how I knew - I just knew).  I cleaned off "our" A1 bottle, and plopped it down next to his plate.  He didn't ask me, "Please pass the A1 Sauce", nor did he say, "Thank you" when I did.  But he sure did demonstrate gratitude by saying, "Man, you must have been reading my mind!".  He followed that with a great big smile.  Sue & I ended up chatting with that couple all night long.  As we parted, they said, "It's so nice to meet friendly people".

Was I being "Generous"? 

Maybe.  But not really.  I mean, we were basically done - We didn't want more A1 Sauce - The aforementioned action took only 2-seconds.  Besides, the A1 wasn't "mine" to give away anyway.  Real generosity would have been passing him the only A1 bottle before we ate.

Well then, maybe I was "Gracious".  That's it.  After all, graciousness is marked by kindness and courtesy - right?  But it's also associated with "good breeding and charm".  So that certainly wasn't it.

Humm, let's see.  Perhaps I was "Graceful".

The words "grace" and "graceful" often have powerful spiritual underpinnings (and/or they describe ballet moves).  No, that wasn't it.  Truly graceful would have been passing the only A1 bottle to the gent, before we ate - and doing so when neither he, nor the server, were looking.  Not saying a word.  Maybe we'd have the opportunity to witness the gent leaving a BIG tip.

Even graceful-er-ier might have been doing something anonymous plus not knowing the outcome.  Trusting that such little actions (and big ones too) can make things happen.

But that wasn't it either.  In fact, I don't know what it (I) was that night... but I do know what I want to be: 

I want to demonstrate that I'm grateful (the gratitude grateful) by being Greatful (purposely misspelled).  Great-full.  Doing work that is important - even anonymous.  Shipping-it (as Seth Godin would say) - Now.  Contributing what I have to contribute to this world.  More.

So this blog post is a symbolic (if not a substantive) "marker".  A marker pointing to the launch that has been launched today, including my/our (renewed) writing.

Happy Thanksgiving.

craig arthur james  2011